Esperanza

It’s hard to paint a picture for you of what my life is like here…of what goes on in the day to day, and in my mind and in my heart. Sometimes I feel so distant from my family and friends, not just because I am physically hundreds of miles away, but because it’s hard to express the craziness and greatness of my life here and reconcile it with what I knew before and who I was before Bolivia.

I’m sorry I haven’t written too many details on this blog. I am not the kind of person that enjoys writing facts and details. I am not all that practical, logical, fact-oriented. I am a dreamer, a thinker, a processor. A definite INFP, I’ve come to realize. (Oh, Myers Briggs, you fascinate me.) So when I begin to write, it’s hard for me to write details of my day-to-day life for you. If you ask me factual, practical questions, I will answer them. But I’d rather write about what I’ve been thinking and learning and how I’ve felt God work than what each day looks like. 

So, without further ado…

My life lately could be characterized by hopefulness. Let me explain. 

There are a lot of upcoming events—known and unknown—in my life. And God is teaching me to have peace and relinquish control. I am naturally a very laid back person, a peacemaker, very flexible and adaptable. But at the same time, I do like to take control of my life and plan for the future. It excites me. I feel like I can be the “captain of my ship” and steer myself in any direction I’d like to go. And in some sense, I believe I can. We have free will. I can be anything I want to be, do anything I want to do.

But lately, my plans have continually been changed. To quote Of Mice and Men, “The best laid plans o' mice and men often go astray.” So true!

Originally, I was going to stay in Bolivia through November 1^st and do a program called Sustainable Bolivia. My plane ticket is still actually booked for that day. I was sure this was going to be great. I was really excited to try something different for awhile and be in a new city, meeting more new people (I love meeting new people—I think people are awesome and so interesting), learning Spanish, living with a host family, volunteering with at-risk children on the streets. And then I would be back with so many stories in time for Thanksgiving…

Then, my brother, to my complete surprise, proposed to his girlfriend over Christmas time. They decided the best time for the wedding was in July.

The options became: Come back home in July, then go back to Bolivia and come back again in November. Or, come back 4 months earlier than I had planned and stay home.

After some thought and prayer, I felt like this big event was calling me home to stay home. It was definitely earlier than my own timeline, but I knew financially and emotionally it would be really hard for me to go back to Bolivia yet again for just a few months more.  (I have already done the back and forth from the U.S. to Bolivia or Bolivia to the U.S. 6 times now in less than 2 years and it is so difficult.) I felt peace about this change of plans, and soon realized that starting ESL/bilingual classes in September would be advantageous…and oh how I love and miss fall in the midwest!

So there came shocker number 1. My time frame at Sustainable Bolivia went from 5 months to 5 weeks.

Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches.

I know God’s hand is always in my life, but a lot of times I can’t see it. However, in early March, I could clearly see it.

The sermon at my church on Sunday, March 3^rd, was about having peace. Then, I went to a gathering of some friends of mine who meet every Tuesday night. That week, on March 5^th, a friend of mine picked out a Tim Keller podcast for us to listen to….on attaining peace. I thought the Tim Keller sermon was especially interesting because he challenged the approach of “thinking less” and “freeing your mind” to achieve peace, and instead said something to the extent of “the MORE you think, the more peace you will have.” He was saying the more that we dwell upon the basic truths and principles of Christianity, the more peace we will have. If we preach the gospel to ourselves—that Jesus died for us and we don’t have to do anything to earn our forgiveness and salvation—it will bring us peace.

Then, that next morning, Wednesday, was my turn in our teacher rotation of prayer that we had just begun. Everyone was in my classroom to pray specifically for me and for my class. I asked for prayers for peace in whatever was next for me after school ended. I had just been having some restless thoughts about going to Cochabamba to do Sustainable Bolivia that were more persistent just the night before. I felt like I needed to stay in La Paz for my last 5 weeks in the country. But I was trying to shrug off those thoughts, thinking that after all this time of planning on Sustainable Bolivia, I was supposed to go and couldn’t change those plans.

And guess what? That very same day, I randomly decided to empty out my spam folder (something I don’t do very often) and discovered a misplaced e-mail from Sustainable Bolivia in it, saying that because of the program capacity and the desired needs of their partner organizations, they couldn’t give me a volunteer placement. (Upon further inquiry, he said there were lots of applicants for this summer and could only accept volunteers who could work 3 or more months and had a high level of Spanish.)

I was shocked. I had been in contact with the communications director for months. We had talked logistics, he told me I’d make a great candidate, and now he was saying that they couldn’t accept me. 

The craziest thing was, I had peace. I KNEW God was making this an easy decision for me. It was so extremely apparent that he had been preparing my heart for this. I knew he had given me the restlessness and the desire to stay in La Paz at just the right time, so this news wouldn’t devastate me. And further, I knew it was right. I knew I needed to finish where I started. I knew I needed to spend my time with people I’ve already developed relationships with. I knew I needed to rest more. But I don’t know if I would’ve made the decision to stay in La Paz if not for God clearly closing this door for me. Closing the door on this program was something I don’t think I could’ve done on my own, even if in the back of my head I had my doubts.

So that brings me to my reason for hopefulness. My Bolivia plans have changed numerous times, not just the 2 most recent times I told you about. My hope lies in the fact that God knows better than I do and he also has way more control over circumstances than I do. And that’s really quite fine by me because I don’t often know what in the world I am doing.

I hesitate to even say I plan on taking ESL/bilingual classes to get an endorsement starting in September and ending in June at National Louis University in Lisle. This is my plan. It seems to be good. It seems to make sense. But I’m not going to place any hope and confidence in these plans. I think I will wait to register until August, with the track record now of my plans changing… 

But I have hope. Hope that God will continue to guide me, and change my plans if need be, when I don’t know where the hell I’m going or what I’m supposed to do. I have hope that my parents and brother’s visit in La Paz at the end of May will be wonderful. I have hope that my last month in La Paz once school ends will be exactly what I need. I have hope that someday I will be bilingual. I have hope that I will find a good community of friends once I am living back in Downers Grove with my parents. I have hope that I will find a job I really enjoy. I have hope that I find a Spanish-speaking church I enjoy and reminds me of my church here. I have hope that I will write and read more, cook more, play music more, and finally get around to scrapbooking my college years. I have hope that God will take me on new adventures and stretch me more than I thought I could be stretched.

And I am hopeful for the rest of the school year. 2 months not to survive, but to truly make the most of--in my classroom and out of it. 2 months to enjoy being in this Highlands community that I know I will miss immensely. 

Finally, I am hopeful for Chile! I am hopeful for true rest. For a week to get out of the city and onto the beach. For quality time with friends. For reflection. For rejuvenation.

God is good. God is peace. God is hope.

And with that, I will bid you Buenas Noches.

Thanks for reading,

Julie

Yo confio en ti.

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated my blog!

Not much can top my Rurrenebaque story (see blog post below!) but I will inform you of some happenings in my life in La Paz!

Let's see, last weekend we had a staff retreat (also in a jungly part of Bolivia) a few hours away from La Paz.  It was really nice to get away and experience the warmth and humidity of a lower altitude, play and rest and talk by a pool, and especially worship together and be fed with truth.  I appreciated it a lot and was really blessed by it!  Unfortunately, the cold that I had turned into a nasty infection!  (I'm blaming the maybe not-so-chlorinated pool that I chose to put my head in when I had a cold.)  But really, it was so hard to resist.  I'm not the kind of girl that's concerned about keeping her hair dry or something.  My mom has referred to me as a "fish" before.

My first graders and I have had a pretty good start to the quarter.  I gained one more student, Anett, just last week—making the girl count now higher than the boy count (9 girls and 8 boys).  It’s always challenging having a student come in the middle of the school year, especially with no English.  I am trying my best to engage her and encourage her, and right now that can really only be done in Spanish.  I’m glad I am at the stage where I at least can say most basic conversational/1^st grade level words and we’re able to communicate.  She’s had what seems like a pretty easy transition to Highlands since the other girls in my class quickly befriended her.  At least, she hasn’t cried and smiles at me often!  :)

It’s still challenging and exhausting teaching 1^st grade, but it definitely is a privilege that I often overlook.  I’m becoming a better teacher and it’s nice to hear from the lead elementary teacher that I’ve grown so much since last year and am a great teacher.  There are always a million things to do outside of the actual teaching part of my job too.  I think those other areas (weekly planning, grading, unit planning, preparing tests/worksheets/homework, and completing all I’m supposed to leave behind for the next teacher) take the backburner a little bit when I just want to use my 1 planning period a day recuperating from teaching/disciplining/dealing with problems!  I wish there were more time in the day.  Don’t we all.

On that note, I am looking forward to this upcoming 4-day weekend (for Carnaval) to fully rest and recuperate from this crazy nose/throat infection I have, catch up and get ahead with some school work, hang out with friends, read, and watch movies!  I wanted to go to the beach in Arica, Chile but I am feeling good about my decision to rest and stay home especially after this sickness that has taken over my body!  I hope I will have another chance to go to Chile—maybe once school ends.

And that brings me to my next subject!  I am really looking forward to the end of May, because my parents and probably my youngest brother (Paul) are coming!!!!  And then school ends and I’ll be an emotional wreck but I’ll have my parents there to comfort me!  So once school is out and I’ve officially said goodbye and turned in my key and have all my checklists checked off, my family and I can enjoy some quality time in La Paz together.  Then, they’ll go down to Cochabamba, Bolivia with me and I will start my next adventure!

As I’ve mentioned before, I will be going to Cochabamba to be involved in a program called “Sustainable Bolivia.”  I am going to take 4 hours of Spanish a day, live with a host family, and do some volunteering.  I originally was planning on doing this for about 5 months, until November.  However, my brother (Dan) is getting married at the end of July!  He just proposed a few days after Christmas.  So, of course, that caused an unexpected change of plans, and I’m going to have to change my flight from November to mid-July.  I thought about coming back to Bolivia after the wedding, but I think it would be really hard emotionally and financially to go back and then leave again.  

My plan for what’s next is to live at home while I take classes for an ESL/bilingual endorsement at National Louis University and work part-time.  I know 1^st grade is not my favorite, and while I’ve thought about upper elementary, I think what I’d really love is to be an ESL teacher, still allowing me to teach (which I really love) but not having to deal with so many kids at once and having all the responsibilities that come with being a classroom teacher.  I’ll take the paperwork and testing of kids over the amount of planning and discipline that comes with my current job.  As an introvert, it’s truly exhausting.

So that’s me.  That’s my life.  I’m enjoying life now and am also excited for what’s to come.  It surely will be a bittersweet goodbye when all of this is over.  Bolivia will always be home in a way.

I appreciate prayer!  Big time!  Right now I’m struggling some with the fear that I’m making the wrong decision and I need to stay in Bolivia.  I felt at peace when I decided to leave, and I need to keep remembering that, but change and big events freak me out and make me so emotional.  I will have to grieve the loss of it, just like I did leaving Taylor, and I don’t want to go through that.  Please pray for me in these upcoming months of transition.  

Love from Bolivia,

Jules

Bolivia...where nothing is predictable.

Over Thanksgiving break, 8 other teachers and I went on a crazy, awesome, dream-like, then nightmare-esque trip to Rurrenebaque and back.  (Rurrenebaque is in the jungle part of Bolivia, and we rode a boat on the Amazon River for most of the time we were there.)

After a flight cancellation the day we were supposed to leave, and then a slight scare the next day when someone working for the airline told us we couldn’t fly, we did end up flying that day…(that guy must’ve had his facts wrong.) So we set off on a tiny 16 passenger plane.

I had stupidly had coffee that morning, thinking it wouldn’t hurt my stomach when it always does…and then I decided to read during the 45 minute plane ride. But because the plane was so tiny, it was very bumpy. Then it felt like we were going to crash as we landed—scaring us even more since we knew it was a dirt runway. So between the coffee, reading on a very bumpy plane, and the scary turbulent landing, I thought I was going to throw up. I literally had my barf bag in hand. Thankfully I didn’t get sick and felt better once I was walking around on land a bit!

The 9 of us split into 2 groups for our tour. I was a part of the group of 5, so the 5 of us along with 3 guys—2 from Switzerland and 1 from Israel—left in a Land Rover to get to the Amazon River. We then took a boat ride to the place we were staying—I think the name of the area we were in was Santa Rosa. The boat ride was wonderful, despite a bit of rain. Our guide went pretty slowly and stopped once in awhile so we could take pictures.

We saw TONS of alligators—probably over 200 during the trip—and lots of turtles, capybaras, squirrel monkeys, herons, eagles, a toucan, a howler monkey, and pink dolphins!!

It was crazy how close all of these animals were to us and it was so strange seeing them outside of a zoo! It didn’t feel real! I loved whenever we went in the boat—the open air and warmth and humidity and breeze and cool sights everywhere you looked was both peaceful and exciting to me. 

I don’t want to write pages and pages, so I’ll try to keep it to the highlights:

-We went on a night boat ride to see the alligator’s eyes light up! When you shine a flashlight on them, their eyes glow!

-The 3 guys, Paola, and I were brave enough to jump in the Amazon River and swim alongside some pink dolphins! They didn’t come close enough for us to touch them, but it was still pretty cool!

-We went piranha fishing and I caught a piranha! The Israeli guy, our guide, and I were the only ones to catch them. But our guide got a bunch so we had piranha for dinner! I ate 2! Yum! I love fish!

-We went on a hunt to find anacondas in the swamp with tall boots. I didn’t see any, but part of the group that chose to do some more hunting around for them saw one but it quickly disappeared. Then we started to walk back and Laura and I weren’t feeling that great. We stopped to rest for a minute, and then lost our group!! We waited around at a 4-way intersection not sure which way they went for about 15 minutes until another group’s guide came and found us. It was a little nerve-wracking being lost in the jungle!!

-We had mosquito nets around our beds in our cabins, which I was happy about, but I still somehow managed to come back with approximately 50 bug bites. Blegh.

-We played some Dutch Blitz in our free time…fun game but I don’t feel like I’m getting any better….I need to stop playing with Kelly.  :P

And now, for the craziest story which didn’t actually happen while we were in Santa Rosa on the tour…

We got back to Rurrenebaque for a Sunday night flight, only to find out the flight was cancelled due to rain the previous night…and as I mentioned before, the runway is made of dirt…so, you’re basically stuck there if there’s any rain probably 12 hours previous to departure…which is stupid. (They had a cement runway and apparently that’s in repair…and has been for almost a year….Bolivia for you.)

And they predicted rain all week.

So, there was no guarantee we’d get back all week…9 teachers out of I think 24? That’s not so good for our school…. :P

So we decided to take the treacherous journey back by bus…..20 hours…..which actually turned into way more than 20 hours and lots and lots of tears and suffering and roughing it and thinking we were going to die going over cliffs.

We were riding back mostly in the dark on the most dangerous road in the world. I was in the very back, window seat, and watching us near the edge of cliffs, and praying for my life. Seriously, I along with many of the other girls who could see what was going on were praying—silently and out loud—for our safety and for our lives to be spared. Joy and I were also singing worship songs. This happened the most when we were on the edge of cliffs, in the dark, and it was raining. Oh. My. Word. Not to mention this bus driver guy was INSANE. He was going fast and never stopping for passengers to go to the bathroom. And there was no bathroom on the bus!!!

Since there were 5 of the 9 of us in the very back and it was dark, 3 of the girls literally peed out the window of the bus as it was moving. I’m not even kidding you!!

We stopped once to drop off passengers/take in more and we thought he’d stop for long enough to use the bathroom, but no. Joy and I went to go find a bathroom when I heard the bus LEAVING us and we ran after it shouting and it finally stopped to let us back on.

OH, let me back up! When we were first leaving on the bus, 3 GIRLS THAT WERE WITH US GOT LEFT BEHIND. The bus driver would not wait for them. They hadn’t made it to the bus yet because the bus company guy was taking us on a go-cart in groups of 3 to the bus. SO THE 3 GIRLS HOPPED ON MOTORCYCLES (which turned out to be taxi drivers, but they weren't sure) TO CATCH UP WITH THE BUS. And then literally jumped on as fast as they could. IT WAS CRAZY.

So, we finally found out why this crazy driver was not stopping for anyone or for bathroom breaks and driving dangerously fast on the Death Road (it’s literally called that). HE WAS TRYING TO BEAT CONSTRUCTION ON THIS ROAD THAT STARTED AT 6 AM. Yeah, and that didn’t happen. We got there around 6:30 or 7 I think (I was sleeping at that point after being up all night scared). And we were stranded for about 9-10 hours while we waited for construction to be done!! Thankfully there was a river nearby where we stopped so we could cool off there and find some shade, because it was a blazing hot sunny day and we were stranded with nowhere to go!

We did a lot of complaining and reading and talking about how we thought were going to die, and crying, and peeing outside, and eating sketchy food at the only restaurant in town.

It was pretty miserable.

So, at 4 PM when construction was over, we left this very small town and river and the bus got us back to La Paz around 9 PM Monday night. And then the 9 of us, all exhausted, had to teach the next morning. It was CRAZY.

I hope that you’re able to take in the amount of dream-like and nightmare-esque qualities of this story. It seriously did seem like a good dream followed by a nightmare. And the whole thing seems so bizarre.

At least I will have some pretty awesome stories for my kids and grandkids someday! :P