Living within God's Will

So, I survived the first week of school.

The first day was rough, Tuesday and Wednesday were a lot better, and Thursday and today my little first graders were just TIRED and so, naturally, a little crazy.  And oh man, was I tired too!  Those kids drain your energy!


It was hard, it was tiring, it was frustrating at times, but I loved it.  I really did.  I really do love my job.

I have always asked myself these questions:
Am I cut out for teaching?
Am I capable of doing a good job at this?
Is teaching my "gift" or "calling"?

And I am so excited I finally believe that yes, this is where I should be and what I should be doing.  Maybe teaching doesn't come as naturally or easily to me as others I've seen, but God has grown me and prepared me to do this (at least, at this time in my life).  I've realized, too, that a lot of things that don't come that "naturally" to me are often the things that I thrive and grow in the most.  I truly believe we have many "natural" tendencies but the supernatural--what the Holy Spirit produces within us--that is something we don't have any control or power over.  The Spirit allows us to act, speak, and love outside or apart from our natural inclinations, and we are therefore denying ourselves and our own power/abilities/natural tendencies and thriving because we are totally reliant upon what we don't have in ourselves to give on our own.

My personality type, according to the DISC personality test I took at PFO told me I am a high "S," which means I value steadiness.  Because of this, my transition to Bolivia is not something small to me; this is a huge shift to my world and it may take some significant time to adjust and cope with all of the changes.  My strengths are reliability, loyalty, building relationships, and agreeability.  My weaknesses include avoiding conflict, procrastinating, and indecisiveness....this is me to a T.  Yet, I am not defined by these characteristics.  That is not who I am, only my natural tendencies.  I have experienced God working in my life and in my heart, giving me supernatural abilities and traits that are opposed to my natural inclinations.  For example, I am not an assertive person naturally, yet God has given me the gift of discernment, and with that the strength to speak into situations that I know are not right.  And then, obviously, if I feel I need steadiness and a sense of security in my life, then making a decision within a couple of weeks and picking up and moving to Bolivia where I don't know anyone and no one knows me, that is far from comfortable or natural for me.  Yet, God calls me out of my comfort zone again and again and I experience myself thriving and growing in ways I couldn't have imagined.

And so, this teaching thing, in a lot of ways did not seem to be a natural gifting of mine.  I realized this when I first started out in classes and labs my freshman year of college.  I'm still not sure why I picked elementary education.  I think, really, to some extent, it was the practicality of it.  I told myself I should start in it and then switch out of it if I wanted to since it was such a big major and it would be easier to switch out than switch into it.  I didn't really think I would stay in it, but I did (you could probably blame that on me feeling loyal to the department and wanting security and steadiness!)  I mean, don't get me wrong, it wasn't like it was a "bad" fit for me...I mean, I love kids (but there aren't many people in this world who don't), and there are definitely traits that I have naturally that make me an ideal candidate for a teacher (patience, compassion, a desire to help kids understand.)  But it takes a lot to be a good teacher.  And I've struggled these last 4 years to see that I had it in me.  I don't feel I am all that creative, I hate public speaking (granted it's a little different in front of kids--but in classes, I had to give lots of presentations in front of my peers and professors), I procrastinated on a lot of projects and papers, I contemplated other majors through the years, I lean toward being an introvert and wanting a slow-paced job, and though I got A's in I think all of my education classes, I felt, comparatively, far from being one of the "top" future teachers in the class.

Yet, if I felt I was the "perfect" teacher and never second-guessed that this profession was for me, I wonder how much of a failure I'd be at my job.  What I mean is, if I thought I had it down, that I was perfect for this job, that I had been blessed with every single supposed "quality of a teacher," would I be relying on God's strength, wisdom, patience, grace, and supernatural energy to get me through each day?  I like control and I have difficulty trusting God.  God knows this about me.  So it makes sense that He would bring me into a profession in which I am forced to give up control.  And what's amazing is, though I know I have a long way to go as a teacher, I feel like I am thriving.  I feel like even though it is maybe not the most "natural" fit for me in some ways, that is at the same time, the perfect fit for me, because I am living in God's will for me.

Because the other teachers and I have followed God's call on our lives to be in this place and serve in this place, I am sure that Satan is trying to bring us down.  I am sick for the second time here (not as bad, but with a cold mixed with a little sickness I think because of something I ate at a Bolivian restaurant yesterday), and Bekah, my roommate, has salmanella!  Please be in prayer for good health for both of us and for all of the other staff.  Also, all of the new teachers had to go to Interpol (international police) and the local police on Friday after school to sign documents and get fingerprinted.  We only have 30 day visas right now, so we have to go through the process of getting a more permanent visa (I forget if it's 1 or 2 years).  We have to go to the doctor to get blood tests this week and miss part of our morning at school, so others will have to fill in to sub for us.  Please pray that everything goes well with this whole process (I've heard it is hellish to go through), and that covering all our classes goes well for the other teachers that have to do that! (There aren't really "subs" here...!)  Also, pray that planning goes well.  I am super overwhelmed by it all, because we don't have curriculum books to follow, just curriculum guides that are sometimes kind of abstract and hard to follow.  Pray I'm able to take the curriculum guides, random books that I have, and ideas from classes/labs/student teaching to best educate and help my students.  And most of all, that I would remember to keep relying and trusting in God for strength, energy, and everything I need.   

Lots of love,

Jules