8 Weeks

I have less than 8 weeks of school left, and exactly 8 more weeks until I go home for the summer. And I know it’s going to fly by.

Less than 8 weeks until I am done with my first year of teaching.

Less than 8 weeks of being with these crazy, hyper, distracted, smart, loving, beautiful little children every day.

8 more weeks until I say goodbye to some teachers who have become pretty dear friends to me in just 9 months.

8 more weeks until I am home in Downers Grove, IL and get to be with my family and friends and RELAX!

That last one I’ve been thinking about more and more lately, as this semester has thrown at me many more curveballs and trials and stressors that have wrought more emotions than the last did. I’ve more often had the sentiment of “I want my mommy!” than maybe at any other point of my adult life. (And I still really, really do…!)

But I know my mindset right now needs to be:

8 more weeks to still invest myself fully in the community and in my work.

It’s so easy to coast. It’s so easy to say “It really doesn’t matter at this point and I’m just going to try to make things as easy as possible for myself until my flight home on June 6.”

But I know God wants to use me still. And if I’m not in tune with the Spirit and how God wants to use me in the lives of my students, parents, the staff, and friends of mine in the community, I’ll be wasting my last 8 weeks here.

While it’s nice to see the end of a rather difficult year is in sight, and an “oasis,” or so it seems, is right around the corner, I don’t want to get lost in my dreaming and forget the beauty and the incompletion that lies in front of me.

I have more work to do, lives to pour into, and encouraging words to speak…There are more adventures to be had, more of La Paz to explore, Spanish to learn, music to play and sing, books to read, and solitude to seek out.

A lot can be done in 8 weeks…especially when given to the Lord, who has time and all of our hearts in His hands.

Mi Dios es grande, mi Dios es fuerte

Between being a full-time teacher, tutoring 3 days a week (soon to be 4 probably), Spanish lessons, volleyball, yoga, running, Tuesday gatherings, Wednesday women's Bible Study, worship nights at Kairos, band practice (yes I'm a vocalist in a band that's going to soon be famous all over La Paz and the world), church, planning, grading, going out with friends, and trying to make some time to just be still every once in awhile, I haven't had too much time to blog... :)

I'm enjoying life and actually enjoying being busy, but I cherish Saturdays like these where my only plans are having a sushi date with my friend Ali at 6 and then going ice skating at the new rink in the MegaCenter. I'm pretty excited.

I don't feel like typing a novel for this post, because I'm kind of craving donuts or saltenas, and I think I might walk or run over and get some soon...and some bananas and other fruit from my favorite friendly fruit vendor (ooh nice alliteration) 2 blocks from me.

But I wanted to give you some quick updates:

I am picking up more and more Spanish. Me gusta mi nuevo profesora de espanol. And I have started going to a Spanish-speaking church. I just love worshipping in Spanish, and I can pick up on the main ideas of the message while I follow along with my English Bible, so it's working out and I just love feeling more a part of Bolivian culture.

Teaching, in all honesty, has been a real challenge for me, but God has been sustaining me and equipping me to do this job the best I can. I have seen the fruits of my efforts, but I still need to pray for miracles. This is a tough class at really varying levels and I have many students who need special ed/ESL help, and right now I am looking at probably having to hold FOUR of my students back. There are 16 kindergartners currently, so that would bring me to a class of 20 or more next year, which is definitely not ideal, especially in the small classroom that I have. We'll see what happens in the next 3 months, but please pray, pray, pray. And pray for grace and understanding as I'm going to have to have some tough conversations with students and parents soon.

God has been working on my attitude and on my patience lately, and this past week I think has been better than any other. I've been praying a lot for more patience and a better attitude. It's so easy to let the little things get me so frustrated, that I miss the fact that my ultimate task is to love these kids and show them Christ's example of love and patience and forgiveness and grace. This year has been a year of realizing my totally desperate need for God every hour, every minute, every second of every day. There is no way I could do this job out of my own strength and abilities. I would fall apart.

I just booked my flights from La Paz to Miami to Detroit and back again for my best friend Lorah's wedding in September! I'm so blessed I am able to do this and that that Friday is a holiday in Bolivia, and my director is also letting me have 2 days off! I'm thankful my parents are supportive of me doing this, when I'm basically making as much as I'm spending here...or spending a little more...I'm grateful for my savings! :) I am so excited I get to be a part of her special day and get to stand at the alter with her while she commits to a wonderful man! I love weddings and this is my first friend wedding, and I'm in it! :)


I am looking forward to Spring Break too...some other teachers and I are going to Arunabaca (sp?) which is the jungle in Bolivia! We also have our school talent show and staff retreat next weekend, and I'm sure lots of other exciting things to come in the next few months. Then, I will be back home June 6, and traveling back to Indiana for a visit, as well as visiting Lorah in Colorado and helping her wedding plan. Then probably coming back to Bolivia a little early to do some traveling!


God is sure blessing me and loving me. Before Christmas, I could say "I really like it here," but now I think I can say "I love it here...and it feels like home." And I keep thinking how much fun it will be when I have family and friends come to visit and I can take them around and teach them little cultural nuances and just have them see where I live and work and what it's like here!


This was longer than I wanted it to be. I'm going to go get some food now and enjoy this nice sunny day here in La Paz!

Thanks for reading,

Jules

"What is Love?"--Something I Wrote 3 Years Ago

So I was looking for a word document, and while doing so, I stumbled upon a lot of pieces of writing I had forgotten about.  I found this piece, which I titled, "What is Love?" which maybe I posted somewhere...a Facebook note or something (it was not in my other blog), but I was a bit surprised that 19-year old me (this was April of 2009) had such good thoughts and questions on love.

So, almost 3 years later, I will share my thoughts. And I have to say the opening is very cheesy. Who looks up the word "love" on dictionary.com? Kinda dorky.... :)  I also have to preface this with saying this was followed by a period of lots of pain and confusion and questioning.....which you may pick up on when you read this :)

What is love?

I looked up love on dictionary.com and didn’t like any of the definitions I found—firstly, because I don’t think it can be expressed in words, and secondly, because almost every definition dealt with romantic love and love is so much more than that.

Love is something I’ve been grappling with a lot in the past couple weeks.  Is it an emotion?  Is it a choice?  Is it both?  Or can it not even be described as either of those?  Is love something that takes time to develop or can we achieve love in an instant?  Is it something purely spiritual and can only be accomplished through intimately seeking God, who is love?  Do non-Christians have a different perception of love or is love universal among all humans?  And how in the world are we supposed to look on people with love if they have murdered a family member, or robbed our home, or even just trampled over our hearts?  How do we overcome hatred, anger, disappointment, grief, and heartache with love, forgiveness, peace, and reconciliation?  Can our deepest wounds really be healed through love?  When the pain comes rushing back to us, can we just flip on this switch of “love” and will it all go away?  Can we ever really completely overcome our sinful nature and love purely, without a trace of condemnation? 

I have so many questions.

I don’t claim to fully know any of the answers to these questions, but I wanted to write my insights on love, deriving from Shane Claiborne’s talk the other night, experiences, reading, listening, and meditation on the subject.  I write this in hopes of further processing love myself, and in hopes of hearing some of your thoughts and insights as well.

I feel so naïve and unqualified to even attempt to quantify and understand love.  I bet a lot of you reading this have a much better understanding of it than I do.  I know that no human can ever fully grasp love to its full capacity, but can we even come close to that?  God has been bombarding my heart and mind with this concept of what it means and what it looks like to love.  I have always considered myself a loving person, accepting of everyone, welcoming everyone with open arms.  But I’m just starting to see how ignorant I’ve been.  It’s so easy to be a loving person when you’re lavished with love from family and friends, have grown up in a home where racism is hated, equality is praised, and biblical values are taught;  when your parents are still together, when you have hope for a great future and you know that there are so many people supporting you.

But what about when you don’t have love spoken to you, shown to you, handed to you, lavished upon you?  When it’s difficult to look on anyone or anything of this world with love in your heart?  The people that can overcome pain, suffering, hurt, anger, and hatred deeper than I could ever comprehend and yet still find it in their hearts to love, they are loving people.

I honestly don’t even know if I could consider a person truly “loving” if they have everything handed to them, they have never been deeply hurt by anyone, they have never taken the time to serve others completely unselfishly, and they never have had to fight feelings of hatred and anger and chosen to look on someone with love, through Christ’s eyes—eyes of grace.  Maybe that’s a bit radical.  Maybe you’re even offended by that statement.  But I think suffering, self-sacrifice, and service are at the root of love.  I think when we humble ourselves enough to realize that all of humanity is in need of love and grace because we are all sinful, fallen people, we can begin to truly love.  This kind of radical thinking violates our human nature.  This is completely counter-cultural.  And this seems impossible, especially when you really think about it.  I mean, this means that we’d have to look on thieves, on murderers, and even on terrorists with love.  How in the WORLD are we supposed to do that, and why do we need to do that?  Complicated questions.  Really, really tough questions.  I could just say “because the Bible says so” and be done with it, but I want to dive into this.  I think in order to understand why we are called to this radical love we must understand the source of this love, which I believe comes from God.  He in himself is love.  He created this world and then humbled himself and came down to this earth to show humanity this great, awe-inspiring love.  Then He sacrificed himself to pay the price for the sins of humanity when we didn’t deserve it one bit—the greatest act of love and the greatest extension of grace.  OK, so, that was Christ.  That was GOD.  We are not God so why do we have to extend love and grace to everyone despite what they’ve done to us or family members or friends?  Why and how must we show love when they haven’t and maybe won’t ever reciprocate the love?  How is that JUST, how is that FAIR in the least?  Well, it’s not just or fair.  But we’re not here to judge this world or judge the people of this world, that’s God’s job.  And who are we to judge?   

Romans 2:1 says,

“You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse!  When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things.”

While we’re here on this crappy, broken, messy earth, we are called, we are commanded to love.  And while this may seem like a hard or impossible commandment to follow, wouldn’t life be so much better if more people chose to love instead of fight and hate and hold grudges against people?  It doesn’t do any good.  It doesn’t serve any purpose.  And it can drown us if we’re not careful.

Romans 12:9-10 says “Don’t just pretend to love others.  Really love them.  Hate what is wrong.  Hold tightly to what is good.  Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

Notice it says hate what is wrong.  Not the person who did the wrong.

Luke 6 shakes me up.  Once in my anger my mom texted me saying “read Luke 6:35-49.”  I looked it up, thinking it might be verses of comfort, but it started “Love your enemies!  Do good to them.  Lend to them without expecting to be repaid.”  My heart shouted “What the hell?! Yeah right mom!  Good one.”  But I keep coming back to that passage, hit with a hard blow every time.  God is speaking those words to me.  To us.  And because of our own pride and self-righteousness we deny this or ignore it, when it has the power to FREE us.

So this whole radical love thing—easier said than done right?  Is it a mindset thing?  Is it a heart thing?  Is it both?  And how can we get our mind to connect with our heart?  How can we take this knowledge and let it seep into our daily lives?  The only answer I have for that is prayer—deep, heartfelt, earnest prayer for love.  We’re not capable of loving on our own.  We’re not capable of living in this messy, confused, fallen world with our own strength.  We need God’s love and we need to take that love and pour it on to everyone.

I think I’ll save further comments and questioning to another post, but in the meantime I’d love to hear thoughts on any of what I said.  Maybe for some of you this seems really basic, and maybe for some it seems foreign, and maybe for some it seems ridiculous.  But this is my first attempt at making sense of what I understand about love and this world.

2nd Semester Craziness

School starts again tomorrow.  It's crazy how it'll be exactly 1 month tomorrow since I've seen these kids and been in the routine of teaching, disciplining, planning, and thinking quickly on my feet all day.  Thursday and Friday we had work days, and I'm happy to say I got quite a bit accomplished, yet not everything I wanted to get accomplished.  There's always more to do. (You teachers out there know this!)

I hope the students and I can jump right back in where we left off....or almost where we left off.  I know there's going to need to be a lot of review after a month of most of them not speaking English!!  And I have a new student, Sabina, who is new to the school, speaks only Spanish, and has a learning disability.  So getting her "caught up" and familiar with the class and our rules and procedures will be another huge thing to add on to other daily routines/lessons/activities.  I hope she can catch on quickly and feel welcome and comfortable in my classroom despite the fact that she doesn't know any English!

This semester is going to be busy.  Last semester was as well, but this semester I have to begin the task of creating the math curriculum for next year.  (I was waiting until I could get some Everyday Math books sent to me over Christmas so I could bring them back with me and help me structure what I do!)  So on top of planning lessons and activities for each week, I'm going to be spending probably a good chunk of my Saturdays or Sundays creating math units... (oh how fun!)  I am also now in charge of leading/figuring out our women's Bible study on Wednesdays.  I have to figure out how it's going to be structured, the rotation of apartments, how to break up and when to break up into smaller groups within our large group, come up with a schedule, and send out e-mails and other logistics.  I also am going to start leading worship on guitar in both our Bible study Wednesdays and in the Tuesday group I go to with other young adults from my church.  So practicing might be good.... :) 

I'm still continuing with tutoring my students, volleyball, and Spanish lessons.  I know I need to make more of an effort this semester to study and practice Spanish, or I won't get very far....

I also brought my yoga mat with me to continue doing that regularly.  (I took some hot yoga classes over break that were INTENSE....3 classes were a combo of cardio and weights and crazy poses in a 95 degree room.)  I feel a lot stronger now because of it, so I want to continue with that.

And in addition to all of this, I am disciplining myself to read the Bible in a year using the "One Year Bible Plan."  I've been pretty good about it so far and really, it only feels like a chore until I pick up my Bible.  Then I get sucked into the stories...a lot of stories I don't ever remember reading, actually.  Or stories I kind of knew, but I'm putting the pieces together, and how they fit in with other stories, and the relations between different people.  I'm using a Life Application Bible, so there's a lot of notes at the bottom that help bring a historical perspective to the text, and little maps so I can see where Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and other people traveled to.  And I'm reading through Jesus' Sermon on the Mount right now in Matthew, and of course that's a powerful and convicting sermon, just packed with a lot of very direct teachings that were so countercultural to the people Jesus was speaking to, and is still countercultural today...."Love your enemies"....there are SO many people that would scoff at that, or maybe believe it but don't practice it, or think that commandment is way too hard to live by.  Honestly I can't think of too many "enemies" I have, yet when you think about it this way--He is essentially saying love EVERYONE--can I really say I LOVE everyone?  And have forgiven everyone completely that has hurt me?  Or everyone that hurts other people or brings about destruction?  It's so hard to separate sin from a person, sometimes.  But they are separate.  We are all God's beloved children...yet some of us are still a slave to sin and have not yet experienced a life lived outside of darkness.  But those people deserve to be loved.  Of course they do.  And by loving them, it could bring them OUT of darkness.

I'm also getting a small dose of Psalms and Proverbs everyday, which are just so relatable...I feel I have compassion for David and cry out with him in the Psalms, and then what Solomon talks about in Proverbs is so applicable to my life, and in my own search for wisdom and understanding and trust in the Lord.   

So I know this semester is going to hit me hard...and in ways I cannot predict yet.  But I'm excited for it, and I'm excited to become more disciplined, because I know I need to grow in that.  (And with all of these things I'm definitely going to HAVE to be disciplined or I'll die!)  But I also know I need to give myself grace and realize I'm only human.

Please be in prayer for me as I try to balance my life with everything I have on my plate.
Pray that my students remain my highest priority and that they can see Jesus in me and know how much they're loved, no matter how impatient and frustrated I get!  (Please also pray for my patience :) )
Pray that I would have wisdom in confrontations I need to have with some people.
Pray for Highlands' ministry and all the students there...pray that we, as a staff, know how to reach them, help them, listen to them, and love them.  There are many students who are hurting from broken family situations, hurting themselves, or hurting others.

God's in control of all of these things, but I have to remind myself that He wants us to be prayerful people who believe He alone--and working through us--has the power to give direction, wisdom, healing, love, and especially change hearts.  And as His disciples, we have that power flowing through us!  Pretty awesome :)

God bless,

Jules

I'm a fast-paced sloth and it's just unnatural

2011 was a big year for me.  I graduated from college, was baptized, moved to Bolivia, and started my first year as a full-time teacher and missionary.

Dang.  That's a lot.  Especially for someone as slow-paced as me.... (I subscribed to Enneagram e-mails--a personality test--that give me an "Enneagram thought for the day" and those jerks called me a sloth.  I was partially offended but laughed thinking that is probably the animal most like me..........if I could sleep all the time I would.)

And because this past year was a whirlwind of craziness and I throw myself into change and transition and a fast-paced job against my own natural inclinations, it seems, the sloth in me has thoroughly enjoyed this break and time at home to be lazy.  And all this time just to be and to think has consequently brought out the analytical, dreamer, reflective side of myself.  Yet my thoughts and things I read and try to make sense of get so jumbled sometimes that I don't know what to do with all of it.  It leaves me overwhelmed and then I jump into coping mechanisms--either sleep or busyness/movement/mindless entertainment.

But I believe the best way for me to sort through my complex thoughts and other people's complex thoughts is to write....which I don't do enough of.  That is one of my resolutions this year.

So, I'm going to spew out my current thoughts/reflections/dreams to you.  Ready?  Hang on tight.

First, a reflection on this year:

January-May:  My last semester at Taylor.  Coming back from being in Indy student teaching was weird.  I lived off-campus, didn't have any more classes in Reade, was crazy enough to subject myself to substitue teaching, and realized Taylor had stayed pretty much the same but I had changed.  I was so ready to move on, though part of me longed for the Taylor I once knew.  It was tough.  Lots of emotions.  There was a mourning period for sure....I was simultaneously mourning the "old Taylor"...the way I used to know it and love it, and also mourning the fact that my friends and I were going in all different directions.  It was hard, but I felt God met me in that mourning time.  I also was a part of this great study of Henri Nouwen's book "Spiritual Formation" with some encouraging, insightful, and spiritually challenging people at my church, which was so life-giving, specifically during this time.  Another great thing about my last semester was that I disciplined myself to regular prayer and meditation on God's word and I learned that it could really refresh my soul. 

May 1:  I was baptized at The Mercy House in Anderson, IN....a memorable and special moment for me.  I got to be baptized along with dear friends, Kayla Cange and Kyle Bavender, and I'm so glad I could share my heart, share about my upcoming ministry in La Paz, make a public commitment to my faith in front of my family and friends, and demonstrate a very personal commitment I made a long time ago to my God who is still transforming me and forgiving me and teaching me despite my failures.

May-July:  I got a wonderful nannying position for a few weeks, went to Pre-Field Orientation where I met some awesome teacher/missionaries like myself going all around the world, I attended my cousin's wedding, went back to Indiana for a last visit with friends, and had a very fun goodbye party before my departure to Bolivia.

July-December:  The start of a new chapter in my life.  Everything was new and different--language, people, culture, full-time teaching, new roommates, new setting, new friends...but I feel I adjusted pretty quickly.  I've faced many personal struggles and challenges and there are days I don't know if I'm cut out to teach these little ESL first graders.....But I do think that sentiment comes from my own doubts of myself and my teaching ability.  These kids are learning and growing and improving in their behavior and in their English and school work, and that is something I know and have seen and therefore, I can rest assured that God has already used me to make a difference, and I can trust that He will continue to do so.

So people have asked me already about what's next, after 2 years of being there.  Will I stay there?  Where will I go?  What will I do?  Honestly, I have no idea and I'm OK with that.  God knows, and God will lead me in whatever direction I need to go.  I can say this though:  I can see myself staying at Highlands for more than my 2-year commitment.  My mind and heart are definitely open to that idea.

But though I'm definitely happy where I'm at and am blessed to be where I'm at right now, the dreamer in me is looking ahead.....to an unknown year right now.  And I kinda kick myself for researching and looking into things and thinking about things that are so far off or impractical or just a lot more idealistic than realistic....I get into making my own plans when God inevitably always has something else planned for me, and all the time I spent researching and thinking about my future could have been better spent living in the present.

So what have my recent research and thoughts gone to?  Looking into living in Colorado.  And looking into going to Seminary.  Whaaaa??  It's pretty funny, actually, since:  1.  I've never been to Colorado and 2. Seminary is not a logical progression of education for an elementary education major and current 1st grade teacher who has no desire or calling to be a pastor or to do really any amount of public speaking and leading people apart from little children.  Ha. 

So, I'm merely entertaining these ideas based on having some good friends in Colorado and some that might end up there, the fact that there are mountains (that will probably somewhat appease my desire to go back to Bolivia, which I know I will possess someday) and that it's a great place to be if you like skiing (which I do) and hiking and outdoorsy things like that (which I do and want to do more of).  Also, there is a growing Hispanic population in Denver (ok, I know, where isn't there a growing Hispanic population?) and IF I become fluent, or almost fluent, in Spanish--which I sure hope I do in the time I'm in Bolivia--I could not only have a better "in" at finding a teaching job, but hopefully be able to be engaged more with people I'm around.

As for the Seminary thing, my interest in theology and politics and justice and missions and how those all fit together is growing.  I want to really truly see GOOD change in my lifetime and I want to promote that.  I don't know what my role in that is, yet.  Maybe it's just to be the best teacher I can be.  Maybe it's just to live frugally and give till it hurts.  Maybe it's to raise a family someday and model the kind of life Jesus had.  But I do know that I want to do more than teach children how to read and do math everyday.  And I'm not at all discounting teaching.  I'm saying I want to do that (if God calls me to stay in a school environment) and then MORE.  I want to be an innovator, a giver, a healer...to live radically, to give radically, to love radically, and invite others into whatever I'm doing or creating or dreaming about.  And I need mentors.  I need discussion.  I need to read.  I need to write.  I need to have a better grasp on my own beliefs and on what's going on in this world and on what the Bible has to say and how that fits in with politics and ministry in this day and age.  I want to do more than teach how to add numbers (though I firmly believe my job is so important and foundational, and most definitely a ministry in itself). 

I might just go for a certificate, and not a masters.  It's a lot of money...and I don't know when I could feasibly and practically and financially set out on actually doing this....but we'll see.  Maybe when I'm on a summer break I can be a waitress (I've always wanted to do that) to make some extra money and then take classes on the side :)

My life is exciting and I love what God is doing now as well as the endless possibilities I have in front of me.  I'd love to hear feedback on what I've had to say.....a lot of these thoughts and dreams and ideas are recent and I haven't voiced them until now. 

Keep dreaming big....

Jules

I forget how to rest...or have I ever really known how?

I'm "home." Although, you should go back and read my blog post about "home" and what I think it means and how it changes and how I feel I have multiple "homes".....so maybe I should clarify....I am home with my family in Downers Grove, IL.  And it's a more familiar place than where I was in La Paz, Bolivia...though that is slowly becoming "home" to me as well as I am growing down roots, starting to get attached to people, and growing in familiarity with what's around me and what I do from day to day.

Time is a funny thing.  When I walked in my door, it seemed like it hadn't been all that long since I'd been home, yet I feel like I've lived in Bolivia for about a year.  

It is truly a privilege to get to come home and see my family and friends (though I will still be missing the family and friends that are far away!)  I was reflecting on this, and feeling pangs of guilt that I am spending so much money on flying back and forth....feeling like that money could be going toward something else, someone else, a ministry that needs it.  Yet I came to the realization that coming back and having this break is not just for me (and my sanity!), but God can use me here still, as well as in Bolivia.  I can share my experiences, what's going on at my school and about other ministries in La Paz, the poverty and wealth I see contrasted every day, what's going on in the lives of my students, and my own joys and frustrations. I can reconnect with people that mean so much to me and share what's close to my heart, how God is changing me and growing me, how my faith and my walk has been kind of rocky, how I've already felt so much pain and confusion and lack of clarity in my purpose, but have also so experienced so much joy, growth, and support.  I can seek out wisdom and advice from family and friends that I trust and that know me.  I think my ministry lies in more than 1 place....and my heart surely does.  So instead of guilt, I will humbly accept this gift and embrace this time away. 

I know I need rest and a lot of self-relfection and time to read and journal and pray and play my guitar.  But I also know I am called to share all that I've experienced.  And I need those people in my life that have seen me grow and mature and that will speak truth into my life.  It's been on my heart lately that I need to make some changes in my life.

For right now....I don't even know what to do with this time of rest.  I am feeling antsy right now.  And I woke up before 9 this morning...(What the heck?  Who am I?)  I haven't had a big chunk of time to just rest in so long...and it sounds wonderful but at the same time it's daunting not having a schedule....and when I don't have a schedule, I often start looking for work or for committments so that I HAVE to go to them and then I feel better about myself, my life.  But, when I am my own boss and I have things I want to do for me, for some reason, I find it so much more challenging to get motivated.  Even though they are things I WANT to do.  And I have so much I want to do this break--so many good and healthy things (5 time Yoga groupon, 5 time pass to my town's Rec Center, reading list, starting photo album of college years, learning more Spanish, playing and writing a song or two on guitar, starting a Bible reading plan in January, and of course visiting with friends and family) but I know I'll waste a lot of time if I don't discipline myself. 

I read this great quote this morning on twitter:

"You can't truly rest until every area of your life rests in God." -A.W. Tozer

Maybe that's why I'm antsy.........

Lord, give me true rest this break.  Let my mind, my heart, my soul, my will, every part of me rest in You.  Show me what that means, what that looks like, what I need to surrender, what I need to give to you, what you want me to do and say and read and learn this break.

Amen.







  

Roots, Rhythm, Routine, Richness

I am so sorry, blog followers, that it has been over a month since my last post.

Partly it is because my life here is so busy, and partly it is because I haven't known what to write...

And I'm sitting here still without any focused thought or something profound to say, so I hope you're OK with scattered thoughts and random updates from my life in this past month.

My life has developed a rhythm here.  Things are becoming normal here, and increasingly, when I think back to life in the states, I think about how weird it will be to be back there in December.  Granted, it would be a whole lot different if I were in Africa or some remote part of Asia or somewhere where life is completely different and I might not have all the conveniences here that I do.  But still.  I'm realizing going back and forth at Christmas and summers will be hard and strange and definitely play a toll on my emotions.  I feel that happens whenever I leave somewhere...even if it's just going back to Taylor after a Christmas break at home, 4 hours away.

I'm realizing increasingly that I like to be rooted.  And signing a 2-year committment to something far away from home, expecting to return to the states again one day (at least right now...) seems like a really stupid move.  I am not flighty in anything I do and I want close friendships I've made over my lifetime to grow and develop throughout my life.  I hate being uprooted.  I hate leaving places.  I can't imagine continually moving to different places all over the world as much as I love experiencing new cultures and seeing new things.  For that, I will travel, not uproot myself.  Unless I feel an extreme calling from God to go somewhere.

My heart, after not even 3 months, is already beginning to feel rooted here...at this school, with my students and even other students who I see and talk with often, in the community of teachers around me, and in the community of Bolivians I'm getting to know at "Tuesday Gathering" every Tuesday night.

I always look ahead so much and my mind wanders to the future if I let it and I know it's dangerous for me.  I need to entrust God with my future, realizing he knows best.  Even though future decisions, seeing people come and go from Highlands and from Bolivia will be so hard, relationships in the states have to be long distance, and friendships I form here might have to be long distance someday, I can't let that influence how I live in my life.  I firmly believe God brings people in and out of our life at certain times and is the God over my relationships and my life.  I have to keep reminding myself of that.

So, what does my life look like here?  I'm sure some of you are wondering, and I don't think I've painted a clear picture of that for you.

My life is really not all that "exciting" just because I live in a different country.  My alarm goes off at 5:45 every morning (too early) and I don't get up to it.  I get up the second time it rings, at 5:50.  I've only overslept ONCE, in 3 months. (Can you believe it, those of you who really know me? ha) And it was fine...I just got ready fast and I think we just left a few minutes later.  I leave with my roommates, Sarah and Bekah at 6:35ish.  We usually take Sarah's beat up landcruiser (affectionately called "The Beast") unless it is in the shop for something.  Then we take a Taxi.  If we take The Beast, we pick up the guys--Scott, Isaac, and Bjorlie.  Sometimes my director, Scott Frost also comes with us...then we really have to squeeze to fit.  It's a fun and bumpy 15-minute ride to school.

We have staff devotions Mon-Thurs at 7:45 with someone different leading it Mon-Wed and then we have "Prayer Thursdays" where all we do is pray...for specific prayer requests and for students that are struggling.  It's a great way to start the day and I love that we do it.

The school day is from 8:20-3:00.  I have an aide in the morning that I am having to train.....and another aide in the afternoon, Paola, who is becoming a great friend and is a huge help to me!  I have 9 crazy, talkative boys with little self-control so it is difficult.  But I am excited about how much improvement has happened--both academically and behavior-wise since the beginning of the year with just about all of my 14 students.  They are really learning and growing and it's great to see.  Jess, the second grade teacher and a good friend, keeps me sane during the day when we talk during recess or lunch.  This is her 5th year teaching (she's new, but she taught 4 years in Korea prior to this year) so she gives me great advice and encouragement and comfort when I need it!!  She is wonderful.

Mondays I tutor after school.  I usually have about 5 of my students that stay with me, and 3 of my students who are really low in English go with a couple high schoolers who know Spanish.  It's hard because the students that stay with me are at different levels, so I wish I could give them more one-on-one help.  But at least it's something extra.

Tuesdays we have staff meetings after school, and then at 7:30 Bekah and I have been going to a gathering of young adults--most of whom go to the only English speaking church in La Paz, but there are people that come from other churces too.  There is someone who leads kind of a Bible study or we have watched a movie a couple times, and we take prayer requests and pray for one another.  It is a great group of people and I love feeling loved and welcome in the group even though I am new, not Bolivian, and don't really speak Spanish! (yet!!)

Wednesdays after school I play volleyball with any teachers or students that want to play.  It's a lot of fun and I look forward to it every week.  Then, at 6:30 we have women's Bible study at our apartment with all of the women teachers who work at Highlands.  We eat dinner and dessert together and someone different leads every week.  This coming week is my turn to lead!  We are studying the book of 1 John.  It's a lot of fun sharing stories about our days and our students, laughing together, and looking at the way John talks about love and inviting people to experience what he has experienced...the gospel message of grace and love...when the church at that time experienced a lot of corruption and had fallen into gnosticism.

Thursdays, Jess and I take Spanish lessons after school with Orieta, the kindergarten aide.  She is wonderful and a great teacher.  I'm learning a lot, but I need to study and practice all that she teaches us!!  It's kind of hard when most everyone I'm in contact with on a daily basis speaks English and Spanish.  It takes discipline and self-motivation.  Sometimes Thursdays I'll go with a friend to dinner or for ice cream, or I go out with a bunch of teachers to Highlanders, a Mexican restaurant nearby.  I'm going to try to make Thursdays my "date nights" with friends...I want to get to know a lot of the staff better.

My weekends are sacred.  I am so tired at the end of the week.  Weekends are always different and different things have come up that have been really fun.  I went with 7 other teachers to beautiful Coroico (about 3 hours away) for a long weekend awhile back...it was wonderful.  I've seen Korean theater (beautiful dancing and music), a classical guitar concert, gone out to dinner, movie nights, etc....it's hard to even remember right now.  Saturday is kind of my sabbath.  It's hard to make myself do any lesson planning or grading on Saturday.  I also get kind of introverted after a week of constantly needing to be on my game in the classroom and then socializing just about every night.  I enjoy spending the majority of my Saturday in my room!  Sundays Bekah and I frequently attend Bedside Baptist...we love listening to our pastors from the churches we attended during college, and they both stream their sermons online.  And once I listened to hers, and once she listened to mine.  We've worshipped together too--I'll play guitar while we both sing.  Sundays are also our grocery shopping days and the days where I plan and grade.  Sunday nights we've been having roommate night and the 3 of us eat dinner and watch a movie together.

That's kind of my typical week in a nutshell, for those that were wondering what my life is like!  I hope I didn't bore you!

Also, we just had parent teacher conferences.  It was kind of nerve-racking, but it all went fine!  Also, if you saw my Facebook status about one of my students' with a rough family situation, some of the facts were lost in translation since I had to have Paola translate for me with a lot of the parents/grandparents.  Her mom is NOT addicted to drugs or alcohol...there was an instance at the beginning of the school year where she was drugged and robbed and taken to the hospital.  Which is horrible and still super traumatizing.  But the situation right now is better than I thought...she is not living with a mom who is addicted to any substances....just recovering from that horrible incident.  And it is not only that girl, but a lot of my students have hard family situations, so please pray for them....  

Well, as you can see, I'm definitely staying busy and am involved in a lot.  I really do love my life and am sometimes overwhelmed by the grace and kindness God has extended upon me.  I am truly blessed by the people around me, by my students, and through the job I have the opportunity to do.

Also, 63 days until I'm home sweet home with my family for Christmas.  But who's counting?