2011 was a big year for me. I graduated from college, was baptized, moved to Bolivia, and started my first year as a full-time teacher and missionary.
Dang. That's a lot. Especially for someone as slow-paced as me.... (I subscribed to Enneagram e-mails--a personality test--that give me an "Enneagram thought for the day" and those jerks called me a sloth. I was partially offended but laughed thinking that is probably the animal most like me..........if I could sleep all the time I would.)
And because this past year was a whirlwind of craziness and I throw myself into change and transition and a fast-paced job against my own natural inclinations, it seems, the sloth in me has thoroughly enjoyed this break and time at home to be lazy. And all this time just to be and to think has consequently brought out the analytical, dreamer, reflective side of myself. Yet my thoughts and things I read and try to make sense of get so jumbled sometimes that I don't know what to do with all of it. It leaves me overwhelmed and then I jump into coping mechanisms--either sleep or busyness/movement/mindless entertainment.
But I believe the best way for me to sort through my complex thoughts and other people's complex thoughts is to write....which I don't do enough of. That is one of my resolutions this year.
So, I'm going to spew out my current thoughts/reflections/dreams to you. Ready? Hang on tight.
First, a reflection on this year:
January-May: My last semester at Taylor. Coming back from being in Indy student teaching was weird. I lived off-campus, didn't have any more classes in Reade, was crazy enough to subject myself to substitue teaching, and realized Taylor had stayed pretty much the same but I had changed. I was so ready to move on, though part of me longed for the Taylor I once knew. It was tough. Lots of emotions. There was a mourning period for sure....I was simultaneously mourning the "old Taylor"...the way I used to know it and love it, and also mourning the fact that my friends and I were going in all different directions. It was hard, but I felt God met me in that mourning time. I also was a part of this great study of Henri Nouwen's book "Spiritual Formation" with some encouraging, insightful, and spiritually challenging people at my church, which was so life-giving, specifically during this time. Another great thing about my last semester was that I disciplined myself to regular prayer and meditation on God's word and I learned that it could really refresh my soul.
May 1: I was baptized at The Mercy House in Anderson, IN....a memorable and special moment for me. I got to be baptized along with dear friends, Kayla Cange and Kyle Bavender, and I'm so glad I could share my heart, share about my upcoming ministry in La Paz, make a public commitment to my faith in front of my family and friends, and demonstrate a very personal commitment I made a long time ago to my God who is still transforming me and forgiving me and teaching me despite my failures.
May-July: I got a wonderful nannying position for a few weeks, went to Pre-Field Orientation where I met some awesome teacher/missionaries like myself going all around the world, I attended my cousin's wedding, went back to Indiana for a last visit with friends, and had a very fun goodbye party before my departure to Bolivia.
July-December: The start of a new chapter in my life. Everything was new and different--language, people, culture, full-time teaching, new roommates, new setting, new friends...but I feel I adjusted pretty quickly. I've faced many personal struggles and challenges and there are days I don't know if I'm cut out to teach these little ESL first graders.....But I do think that sentiment comes from my own doubts of myself and my teaching ability. These kids are learning and growing and improving in their behavior and in their English and school work, and that is something I know and have seen and therefore, I can rest assured that God has already used me to make a difference, and I can trust that He will continue to do so.
So people have asked me already about what's next, after 2 years of being there. Will I stay there? Where will I go? What will I do? Honestly, I have no idea and I'm OK with that. God knows, and God will lead me in whatever direction I need to go. I can say this though: I can see myself staying at Highlands for more than my 2-year commitment. My mind and heart are definitely open to that idea.
But though I'm definitely happy where I'm at and am blessed to be where I'm at right now, the dreamer in me is looking ahead.....to an unknown year right now. And I kinda kick myself for researching and looking into things and thinking about things that are so far off or impractical or just a lot more idealistic than realistic....I get into making my own plans when God inevitably always has something else planned for me, and all the time I spent researching and thinking about my future could have been better spent living in the present.
So what have my recent research and thoughts gone to? Looking into living in Colorado. And looking into going to Seminary. Whaaaa?? It's pretty funny, actually, since: 1. I've never been to Colorado and 2. Seminary is not a logical progression of education for an elementary education major and current 1st grade teacher who has no desire or calling to be a pastor or to do really any amount of public speaking and leading people apart from little children. Ha.
So, I'm merely entertaining these ideas based on having some good friends in Colorado and some that might end up there, the fact that there are mountains (that will probably somewhat appease my desire to go back to Bolivia, which I know I will possess someday) and that it's a great place to be if you like skiing (which I do) and hiking and outdoorsy things like that (which I do and want to do more of). Also, there is a growing Hispanic population in Denver (ok, I know, where isn't there a growing Hispanic population?) and IF I become fluent, or almost fluent, in Spanish--which I sure hope I do in the time I'm in Bolivia--I could not only have a better "in" at finding a teaching job, but hopefully be able to be engaged more with people I'm around.
As for the Seminary thing, my interest in theology and politics and justice and missions and how those all fit together is growing. I want to really truly see GOOD change in my lifetime and I want to promote that. I don't know what my role in that is, yet. Maybe it's just to be the best teacher I can be. Maybe it's just to live frugally and give till it hurts. Maybe it's to raise a family someday and model the kind of life Jesus had. But I do know that I want to do more than teach children how to read and do math everyday. And I'm not at all discounting teaching. I'm saying I want to do that (if God calls me to stay in a school environment) and then MORE. I want to be an innovator, a giver, a healer...to live radically, to give radically, to love radically, and invite others into whatever I'm doing or creating or dreaming about. And I need mentors. I need discussion. I need to read. I need to write. I need to have a better grasp on my own beliefs and on what's going on in this world and on what the Bible has to say and how that fits in with politics and ministry in this day and age. I want to do more than teach how to add numbers (though I firmly believe my job is so important and foundational, and most definitely a ministry in itself).
I might just go for a certificate, and not a masters. It's a lot of money...and I don't know when I could feasibly and practically and financially set out on actually doing this....but we'll see. Maybe when I'm on a summer break I can be a waitress (I've always wanted to do that) to make some extra money and then take classes on the side :)
My life is exciting and I love what God is doing now as well as the endless possibilities I have in front of me. I'd love to hear feedback on what I've had to say.....a lot of these thoughts and dreams and ideas are recent and I haven't voiced them until now.
Keep dreaming big....
Jules
No comments:
Post a Comment